I was told to be more considerate & to try to see things from her perspective.

So I went to the kitchen and looked out the window....

But I still don't see what the big deal is about anal sex....

Just kidding, I think its gross too. Also the double punch-line is like a double rainbow whoop whoop!

--------------------------------------

What are women good for?

Girlfriends, aside from their obvious uses such as sexy times and having small appetites so you get one and a half courses at dinner, are also terribly useful for getting you tickets to things like this:

This is going to be so damn epic. I cannot wait. THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. AND I'm going to make two life long friends by telling the people I'm sitting next to this funny joke:

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Doctor."

"Doctor who...."

Also, I've invented the best doctor who pick up line of all time. Women of the universe, should you see Ris you should thank her for taking an evil seduction mastermind off the streets and keeping you safe from charm. (see what I did there. I said charm instead of harm).

Anyway here's the line (but you won't get it unless you are a doctor who fan):

"Hey, can I tell you a secret? I actually hate the doctor... Which is why I'm so glad I found you. You give me the one thing that his sonic screwdriver can't defeat....."

So if you know any girls who are into Doctor who, and you want to bed them, just say this line to them and start unzipping your fly. In the highly unlikely even that it doesn't work, you can follow up with:

"I have to wear special Tardis underwear, otherwise it just won't fit...."

--------------------------------------

News article title: Hobart set to get Korean suburb

Yes, this is real. It's seriously as if someone thought 'gee, Tasmania might never be as shit as Perth but we're going to damn well try'.  In a matter of years the population of Korea-land will slowly dwindle as none of the locals will want to breed with them. After a few decades the Koreans will become mutated (I mean more mutated) and inbred. Which I suppose will make them real Tasmanians. So maybe it will all work out. 

--------------------------------------

Going to HK

So I'm going to HK tomorrow for about a week to see the sights and meet Ris's Mum. I'm not too daunted, I'm quite confident my natural charm will be sufficient, but I was wondering if you guys could answer a few questions on etiquette? 

1. Is it considered, in any way, rude to voice the opinion that feng shui (Chinese thing about arranging furniture to harness energy and luck) is one of the stupidest things in the universe if Ris's mum believes in it?

2. How long, after making someone's acquaintance, is it socially acceptable to ask if you can marry their daughter?

3. You know in movies when the guy says to the mum "wow, I can see where X get's her good looks from". Is there any universe in which you can say this and not sound like Ultra Seedy Man 2000?

--------------------------------------

Someone had a baby

Does anyone remember someone? My one and only memory of her was that one day she was coming back from Hockey on Wednesday sport or something and she had hockey socks on and I thought to myself 'That new girl with the weird face has kinda nice legs'. That is literally all I remember of her.


Yeah so apparently she had a baby. I'd just like to say a huge congratulations to her. And by congratulations I mean WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? YOU HAD A BABY? YOU'RE 23. YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED UNI. WHY THE FUCK. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO MED SCHOOL AND INTERN AND HAVE A BABY AT THE SAME TIME? WHY WOULD ANYONE DECIDE THAT NOW IS A GOOD STAGE IN LIFE TO PUSH A BABY OUT OF THEIR VAGINA. DO YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN HE'S 16 AND IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU'LL BE 39. AS YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE THE YOUNGEST AND HOTTEST MUM ALL HIS FRIENDS WILL WANT TO FUCK YOU. ISN'T THAT DISTURBING? DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE GETTING KNOCKED UP? IF HE GETS AN AVERAGE LOOKING GIRLFRIEND ALL HIS FRIENDS WILL TELL HIM HIS MUM IS HOTTER THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND. THEY WILL KEEP TRYING TO DO SCHOOL PROJECTS AT YOUR PLACE SO THEY CAN SEE YOU AND THEN, AS SOON AS YOU TURN AROUND, BANG. START MASTURBATING. HAVE YOU THOUGHT THIS THROUGH? INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BECOME PARENTS.


I was going to post a picture of someone and the baby, but I'm scared that I might be violating some child porn laws and maybe there are baby porn laws or privacy laws or something. So just go facebook her yourselves.


Also, the kid's name is Aiden... If he has a Jamaican friend his Jamaican friend could just say "heeyy thennn" in a Jamaican accent, which is pretty cool. So I can see that you've at least given some thought to this kid.

--------------------------------------
Media Section!

 I love me a good pun. 

For those that don't know congress recently passed legislation that classified tomato sauce on pizza as a serving of vegetables for nutritional purposes. 

So this girl posted pictures of her journey from 197 to 124 pounds, or as I see it her journey from being a sub human fat mutant thing to a real human being who has feelings and deserves respect. Also note the tremendous difference between 132 and 124. The last 8 pounds is worth like 3/10 points in hotness. 

Is there something wrong with me if this made me giggle like a little girl for like 5 minutes? 

 Email to feminist. Watch hissy fit. Profit.

Look at this guy. Then look at the video below.

Okay so the loincloth thing is disturbing. But. The lyrics are freakn awesome. Watching this video made me think of Ambrose. I wonder how he's doing these days. Also, whilst writing this post I've been listening to this rather loud and on repeat. My neighbours probably think I'm hard/gangsta now. 

I wonder how old my kid will have to be before I can do this with minimal and acceptable psychological damage.

--------------------------------------

Cheers guys,

Wish me luck in Hong Kong. There will be Chinese people there. I hope I don't catch rudeness.

Damien!